Dilemma
by ButterflyMist
Summary: What if Ayanokoji was indeed jealous, but of Tamaki and not Haruhi? AyaHaru (I STARTED THIS. . . I think). In Ayanokoji's POV. OOC. Rated T Tragedy for Epilogue.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Alright. I can't believe I'm doing this but I just read 'Where Will You Go' by 'phoenix in wonderland' (BTW: great story) and I started thinking about Ayanokoji and Haruhi. I realise that somehow Ayanokoji planned on Haruhi landing on top of her. This is my first songfic (although I've done a chapter and will continue to do chapters in Fragile Hearts with song lyrics WHICH I DO NOT OWN!) and it's also a one-shot. I'm going to make it into three-shot.**

**Summary: What if Ayanokoji was indeed jealous, but of Tamaki and not Haruhi? AyaHaru (I STARTED THIS. . . I think). In Ayanokoji's POV. OOC**

**_Italic = _****Song Lyrics**

**"Speech Marks" = Speech**

**_'Thoughts' = _****Thoughts**

**Disclaimer: I don't own 'Dilemma' or Ouran High School Host Club. I give my respects to those who do own them.**

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Chapter 1: Dilemma

_I . . . love you, _

_And I . . . need you_

_Haruhi, I . . . love you, _

_I do . . . neeeeed you - but_

It all started that fateful day. I'm supposed to fall in love with a handsome prince who will sweep me off my feet and whisper sweet nothings in my ear. Like Tamaki. So why am I falling for a commoner? From the moment I saw Fujioka outside the school gates on the first day of my third year I felt something strange. Something tugging on my heart and weighing it down and making it beat faster than it's ever beat before. I guess there was something about Haruhi's messy hair or how cute it was when those thick glasses he used to wear slid down his nose and I caught a glimpse of his big brown eyes.

_No matter what I do, _

_All I think about is you_

_ Even when I'm with my boo, _

_Boy you know I'm crazy over you_

_ No matter what I do, _

_All I think about is you_

_ Even when I'm with my boo, _

_Boy you know I'm crazy over you_

Every moment after that I couldn't get Haruhi off of my mind. Even when Hani has one of his 'Cuteness Overload' moments (as my friends call them). Another thing wrong with me falling for Haruhi is that he is and underclassman by TWO YEARS! It would be fine if he was only a year younger than me but he isn't, he's TWO FRICKING YEARS YOUNGER! I hate myself.

I thought being around Tamaki would take my mind off of Haruhi, for a while it did. Then the day came when Haruhi was INSIDE the 3rd Music Room being perfect as he always was. Then Tamaki took off Haruhi's glasses and I got a full view of those perfect eyes. He's blind without them so I could stare without him noticing this one time. Oh, how innocent his eyes are . . . they're the kind of eyes you could lose yourself in for days. Not long after Haruhi had become a Host and I was dying to become his #1 Customer. But something held me back, probably Tamaki. I had to break it off with him.

Then Suoh had the NERVE to hug MY Haruhi right before my eyes as if I wasn't there. I mean, HELLO? Jealous person at two o'clock!

_'Oh, he is gonna pay!'_ Was all that was running through my head.

_Check it, check it, check it, _

_Uhh,_

_ I met this dude and he just lives right up the block from me_

_ And uhh, he got the hots for me the finest thing my hood did see_

_ But oh no, oh no, he gotta a man_

_ And a son, doh'ohhh, but that's okay_

_ Cause I, wait for my cue and just listen, play my position_

_ Like a shortstop, pick up e'rything mami hittin_

_ And in no time . . . (no time) I . . ._

_ I plan to make this wah-one mi-i-ne . . . _

_And that's for sure_

_ Cause I, I never been the type to, _

_Break up a happy home_

_ But uh, there's somethin bout baby boy I just can't leave alone_

My chauffeur drove me home (aka my uncle's three story house in which I was living in because it was closer to the school) this one day and I was staring out the window when I saw him. Haruhi was opening the door of an apartment in a modest apartment building. Every day since then I made sure my window was down when we drove by his apartment.

Back to the past when I was falling harder and faster in love than I already was. My jealously only grew as Tamaki acted as if he and Haruhi were a couple . . . Uhh! I just get so mad! I'm alright with Hani acting as though Haruhi were his mother, I find that sweet that my darling Haruhi fits such a role perfectly . . . though I'd rather see him acting the father . . . It makes me blush just thinking about it!

I'm straying from the problem at the moment; Tamaki. I've devised the perfect plan. A perfect plan to capture the perfect heart of the perfect boy. I dropped Haruhi's things in the water fountain in outside and waited for him to go collect them. I was just about to go and help him collect everything, claiming that whoever did it just wanted attention and that Haruhi should ignore whoever did it (of course I would be lying about him ignoring me) but guess who ruined it! Tamaki Suoh! UGH! I can't believe it! Haruhi was looking for his wallet when Suoh stepped into the water and helped Haruhi search, claiming he 'didn't mind getting wet'.

_No matter what I do, _

_All I think about is you_

_ Even when I'm with my boo, _

_Boy you know I'm crazy over you_

_ No matter what I do, _

_All I think about is you_

_ Even when I'm with my boo, _

_Boy you know I'm crazy over you_

I lay in my bed at my parents' Manor right now, restless. A lustful part of me wishes dearly that my sweet Haruhi was sleepy beside me. Both of us naked and at least one of my legs wrapped around his waist. Whereas the lonely part of me wanted him to be here beside me cuddling with me. I still cannot believe that I fell for a commoner but how could I not. He was so cute and had such a sweet melody when he spoke to me. I shiver yet again. I can't possibly . . . Father has a business associate in the guest bedroom down the hall . . . guess I'll have to supress the urge to scream Haruhi's name then.

_Check it, check it, check it, uhh_

_ I see a lot and you look and I never say a word_

_ I know how princesses start actin trippin out here about they Hosts_

_ And there's no way-ayy-hey, Haruhi gon' fight over_

_ No day-hey-ame . . . as you can see_

_ But I, I like your steez, your style, your whole demeanour_

Back to when I wasn't banished from the Host Club. I guess I was very quiet whenever Haruhi came over with the tea. I did, however, make sure to compliment his skills and mention that I love Jasmine tea (almost as much as I love him). I just know that he kept it in mind because every time he severed my tea it was Jasmine, and just how I like it. The 'princesses' that Haruhi attended to were always squealing or crying in sympathy or even fainting half the time. But the fainting never fazed Haruhi one little bit, he just excused himself to grab a stick of celery and snapped it right above the fainters' nose. I wish he would do that whenever I fainted, but I don't faint. I smile politely and I continue my day. I specifically love how Haruhi would wear his uniform with a different aura than all the other Hosts. It was soooo alluring.

_East coast, I know you shakin right_

_ Down South, I know you bouncin right_

_ West coast, I know you walkin right, cause_

_ Midwest, I see you swingin right_

_ (You don't know what you mean to me)_

Believe it or not, from the time Haruhi joined the Host Club to when I was kicked out lasted three months, the beginning of January through the end of March. I found out that his birthday was the 4th of February and that he didn't like swimming all that much. The Host Club took myself and several other lucky 'princesses' four places during those three months. The East Coast, down South, the West Coast and Midwest.

I wanted to approach Haruhi so bad the whole time but I could only smile and continue what I was doing out of anxiety. In the South there was this inflatable thing that Haruhi got dragged on by Hani. I believe it was called 'Free Willy' after the famous whale. You climbed up this foam ladder and at the top you slid down the 'tongue' of the whale before doing the whole thing all over again. It looked enjoyable but I just couldn't bring myself to enjoy it with someone as perfect as Haruhi.

_All I think about is you_

_ Even when I'm with my boo, _

_Boy you know I'm crazy over you_

_ No matter what I do, _

_All I think about is you_

_ Even when I'm with my boo, _

_Boy you know I'm crazy over you_

The day soon came. The day I was kicked out of the Host Club. I had gone into the Club with a plan to confess to Haruhi that I love him and that Suoh didn't love him and was only interested because his lifestyle was new to Suoh. I had dropped Haruhi's bag out the window the day before. It went something like this.

"Oh, really?" I say sipping my tea, "That must've been terrible. I can't imagine what I'd do if my bag fell into the pond."

Haruhi just stared at me with those perfectly chocolate eyes.

"And you actually made Tamaki search that dirty, old pond with you. How astonishing. You do realise he's a blue blood and not a commoner, right?" That came out wrong!

Haruhi still remained silent. I decided to continue.

"You know the only reason he's paying attention to you is because he's trying to turn you into a gentleman," Haruhi came me a slight look of shock, "Don't start thinking he cares about you just because he's doting on you." Suddenly Haruhi's perfect eyes were hidden by his soft, brown locks.

"Now I understand," Oh, thank goodness, "You're jealous of me . . ." THAT'S NOT IT! I accidently moved my legs to stand but got them caught on Haruhi's. We tumble to the ground with him landing on top of me. I really liked how perfectly we fit in that position. Just like Ciel and Sebastian in Kuroshitsuji.

I froze but I heard my voice scream and cry for help. Then I was doused with water and I found myself begging Tamaki. He then lectured me before banishing me from the Host Club.

_'No. No. No. NO! I can't be away from my darling Haruhi!'_ I heard myself call Tamaki an idiot as I ran away. I ran until I couldn't run anymore. I cried until I had no tears left to cry. I couldn't believe that I wouldn't be able to see Haruhi on a daily basis anymore and it _hurt_. Not like a tiny sting, it full on hurt. The exact same hurt I felt when I first laid eyes on Haruhi Fujioka.

_You don't know what you mean to me_

Don't worry my darling. We will be together some day. I'll make sure of it. And those idiots at the Host Club won't stand in my way.

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**REMEMBER! This is full of 'what if's'!**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: And I'm back, of course I haven't posted the first chapter to this while I'm typing this Author's Note but . . . yeah. Still in Ayanokoji's POV. Okay, so this chapter has skipped to the first Lobelia kidnapping of Haruhi but (SPOLIER) she hit her head and doesn't remember ever applying for Ouran, much less remember the Host Club. Ayanokoji had switched schools after the 'incident' between her and Haruhi and was kicked out of the Host Club. She joined the Zuka Club and is in the ruling council (as the Lady of the Hyacinth).**

**Disclaimer: I. Do. Not. OWN! *cheesy Spartan parody WHICH I DO NOT OWN***

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Chapter 2: Closer

_Closer,_

_Closer,_

_Closer,_

_Closer_

Beni-Bara, Chizuru and Hinagiku just got here with my darling Haruhi. Apparently he is a she . . . which I hate myself for not noticing but at the same time love her even more. Why? I don't know. I think it has something to do with the fact that if she transfers here then she and I can be together and that idiot Tamaki will be out of the way for good. I'm so much closer to finally having Haruhi all to myself and it does make me nervous. Why, you ask? What would Mother and Father think of me being a lesbian? My older sister would be fine with it and my little brother is too young to understand. I'm sitting in the Zuka Ruling Council Room waiting for my friends to bring my love to me.

_Turn the lights off in this place_

_ And she shines just like a star_

_ And she swears she knows my face,_

_"I just don't know who you are"_

Beni-Bara just texted me telling me they were just down the hall. I get out of my seat, turn the lights off and get ready to spotlight my darling Haruhi.

Five . . . four . . . three . . . two . . . one!

I flip the switch for the spotlight just as Haruhi walks under it. She jumps slightly and looks up at the spotlight while shielding her eyes. Oh, dear. She's gone pale.

"HARUHI!" I scream as she faints and hits her head rather hard. I run to her and yell at Beni-Bara to get one of the hundreds of school nurses. I pick Haruhi and coddle her in my arms just begging her to be alright. I'm probably overreacting but you would as well if you were this overly in love with someone and they fainted.

Beni-Bara got a nurse and Haruhi was taken to the infirmary. I of course followed only for the hope that my worries would be put to rest. And they were.

"Miss Fujioka will be fine. Probably just fainted from the shock of the exposure to an extremely bright light in a dark room. She should wake up in an hour or two." The nurse had told me before leaving to write a report about this and letting me stay. My fellow council members left me alone with my darling and went to do something or other to do with the upcoming play.

So I sat there. Just sat there. I held Haruhi's hand and just sat there. Waiting. For an eternity I would've waited to catch a simple glimpse of her eyes as I had once done. In reality I had only waited about an hour when her beautiful eyelids flickered open. She stared at the ceiling for a moment before looking at me. Her eyes were filled with such innocence I could barely breathe.

"Where am I?" Her voice made me shiver as it always had. I could only smile at her and stroke her soft cheek.

"We're in the infirmary, darling. You fainted." I can't believe I had actually called her 'darling'! She continued to stare at me.

"Who are you?" She asked softly, not stopping me from stroking her cheek.

"I'm Ayanokoji, you call me Aya-chan." My own voice was gentler than it had ever been in my life. She still just stared at me.

"I'm sorry but I just don't know who you are." I flinched as if she'd hit me. She must be suffering slight amnesia. I sigh.

"What's the last thing you remember, darling?" My heart's going to break if she says 'Tamaki'.

"My guidance councillor in school was talking to me about applying to a prestigious academy but I don't remember him saying which one . . ." Thank goodness.

"We're at Lobelia Girls' Academy, darling. You're transferring here from Ouran Private Academy." Please don't bring back memories. Please don't bring back memories.

"Oh," She sits up and continues watching me, "Why do you keep calling me 'darling'?" _Don't you dare mess this up Ayanokoji!_

"Because I love you." Before I can stop myself I lean toward her and capture her lips. She tastes of strawberries and cream.

_Turn the music up in here_

_ I still hear her loud and clear_

_ Like she's right there in my ear_

_ Telling me that she wants to own me_

_ To control me_

We got Haruhi transferred and into the Zuka Club Ruling Council. We have her playing the leading 'male' role in the upcoming play with me as the leading 'female'. It's just so perfect! The leading male is an extravagant billionaire who falls deeply in love with the leading female, a simply country girl who was trying to make herself a living in the big city. Every now and then during rehearsals I caught a glimpse of say, blonde hair or a pair of redheads. But I ignore them so Haruhi doesn't notice. After our first kiss she keeps blushing around me and it's just so adorable! We're practising the ball scene where the billionaire and country girl meet. Beni-Bara turns the classical music up so Haruhi and I can practise the waltz. She's amazingly talented. Guess that's one good thing that came out of her being in the Host Club. The music is basically blaring but I can still hear Haruhi practising her lines. Almost as if she was whispering in my ear.

"I cannot help but feel drawn to you. Something inside of me wants to own you, to control you." She spoke her lines and I shivered again.

_I can feel her on my skin_

_ I can taste her on my tongue_

_ She's the sweetest taste of sin_

_ The more I get the more I want_

_ She wants to own me_

_ Come closer_

_ She says, "Come closer"_

I lay in my bed at my uncle's house, tossing and turning. I can still feel her warm hands against mine. I can still taste her soft lips. Her lips are the sweetest taste of sin, the more you get the more you want. And I definitely want her right now. Her lines still echoing in my head.

_"Something inside of me wants to own you . . ."_ _". . . to control you"_ My body trembles and I shift in bed yet again, _"You need to come closer to me, Aya-chan . . ._"

_Come closer_

"Aya-chan! You need to come closer than that." Haruhi tells me as we're practising the ball scene yet again. I smirk slightly.

I get closer to my darling Haruhi and pull her against me by the waist. My lips find hers easily and she squeaked. I smile formed when she timidly wrapped her arms around my neck and kissed back with an equal amount of passion.

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**As I've mentioned the characters may be a little OOC but why not?**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: And this is the third and finally chapter ion this three-shot! This is still in Ayanokoji's POV.**

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Chapter 3: Marry Your Daughter

_Sir, I'm a bit nervous_

_ 'Bout being here today_

_ Still not real sure what I'm going to say_

_ So bear with me please_

_ If I take up too much of your time,_

_ See in this box is a ring for your oldest_

_ She's my everything and all that I know is_

_ It would be such a relief if I knew that we were on the same side_

_ Very soon I'm hoping that I..._

I sat in my girlfriend's apartment with her father sitting in front of me. I'm so nervous but I'll do anything for Haruhi and I want this _so bad_! Same-sex marriage has just been legalized and I can't wait to marry my darling Haruhi! I have no idea just what I'm going to say but I'd better figure it out! I take a black velvet box out of my handbag and hold it where Mr Fujioka can see it.

"Mr Fujioka, in this box is an engagement ring that I wish to give to Haruhi. She's my everything and all I know is that it would be such a relief if I knew we were on the same side, because very soon I'm hoping that I . . ."

_Can marry your daughter_

_ And make her my wife_

_ I want her to be the only girl that I love for the rest of my life_

_ And give her the best of me 'till the day that I die, yeah_

_ I'm gonna marry your princess_

_ And make her my queen_

_ She'll be the most beautiful bride that I've ever seen_

_ I can't wait to smile_

_ When she walks down the isle_

_ On the arm of her father_

_ On the day that I marry your daughter_

". . . Could marry your daughter and make her my wife." I bowed my head as low as I could, "I'll treat her to the very best until the day I die and I want to make sure that she'll be the only woman I'll ever love for the rest of my life!" I sneak a look to see that Mr Fujioka is smiling.

"Haruhi will be the happiest girl in the world when you ask her. Don't let her down, Ayanokoji. And please, call me Ranka." His smile was warm and welcoming and I couldn't help myself. I stood up in absolute joy and hug the man.

"THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU!" I screamed as loud as I could and let go before grabbing the box and clutching it to my chest.

_She's been hearing for steps_

_ Since the day that we met (I'm scared to death to think of what would happen if she ever left)_

_ So don't you ever worry about me ever treating her bad_

_ I've got most of my vows done so far (So bring on the better or worse)_

_ And tell death do us part_

_ There's no doubt in my mind_

_ It's time_

_ I'm ready to start_

_ I swear to you with all of my heart..._

I remember the day that I was properly introduced to Haruhi, back when I thought she was a he, she always seemed to know where everyone was and when they were going to approach her. Now I'm terrified to think of what would happen if she left me.

"Don't you worry, Ranka, I'll never hurt Haruhi! Ever!" I yell, ecstatic. Then I ran back to my uncle's house so I could plan my vows, when and where I would ask Haruhi and what I would say.

_The first time I saw her_

_ I swear I knew that I say I do_

_ I'm gonna marry your daughter_

_ And make her my wife_

I took Haruhi to the mall to go shopping and just as we passed a wedding dress shop I dropped to one knee and produced the ring. She gasped with an adorable look of shock on her face.

"Haruhi; I can't tell you how much I love you in words but if you take love, times it by infinity and take it to the depths of forever and you'll still only have a glimpse of how much you mean to me. So, will you marry me?" My heart is pounding so fast right now!

Haruhi just stood there dumbfounded for what seemed like forever and I felt my heart crack. She's going to say no, I just know it.

"Yes . . ." She mumbled almost so I couldn't hear her.

"What?" I ask reflexively.

"YES!" She screams before practically tackling me. I stand and put the ring on her finger and we hug again.

_I'm gonna marry your daughter_

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**And that's it.**


	4. Epilogue

**A/N: I couldn't help myself. I just had to! This chapter won't be a songfic but will be the reason this fanfic is under Hurt/Comfort. Still Ayanokoji's POV**

**Disclaimer: I don't own OHSHC. I do own Kyosuke and Tsubaki.**

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Epilogue

It's been twenty years. Twenty years since Haruhi and I said 'I do'. I didn't care what my parents thought. I didn't care what anyone thought. I thought she and I would love each other until the end of our days, but she left me. Left us.

About five years about we were properly married, we adopted one child, just one. A little 8-year-old boy with brown hair and green eyes. He looked just like Haruhi when I first met her, so sweet. So innocent. So naïve.

His name was Kyosuke and we loved him as our own, sometimes Haruhi joked that I loved him more. I guess that was true in a way, I loved how much Tsubasa reminded me of Haruhi without even being biologically related to her.

Kyosuke would often come sleep in our room at night, afraid that the roof in his room would collapse. He was always so claustrophobic. Haruhi would laugh and welcome him with open arms. It annoyed me sometimes but I loved the look Haruhi would get when Kyosuke snuggled into her, the way she'd smile up at me before closing her eyes and going to sleep. I was always so afraid that she'd either open her eyes and remember Tamaki or never open her eyes at all.

It wasn't hard for anyone to tell that Kyosuke loved Haruhi more than me, I was alright with that. I knew his reasons for loving her, they were the same (if not more family-oriented) as my reasons. Kyosuke and I still loved each other, we just weren't as close with each other as we were with Haruhi. I miss those days.

Year 8, when Kyosuke was about 11 we adopted a baby girl. She was only about 1-year-old and her parents died in a car-crash. She was a quiet baby, she never cried and she never screamed. Her biological parents had yet to name her, so Haruhi and I named her Tsubaki. She was darling to us. I would often stay home to look after Tsubaki while Haruhi was working on important case.

She'd come home, hug Kyosuke before coming up to the nursery, kissing me and taking Tsubaki into her arms. I remember getting jealous of how she'd seem to pay more attention to Tsubaki than to me. When I told her this she chuckled, and told me that Tsubaki needed parental love and that's what she gave her. She then kissed me and showed me how much she loved me.

Year 12. I remember the fights we had. She started asking questions about why she transferred from Ouran to Lobelia and I got upset. We yelled at each other and I said something I shouldn't have. I'll never forget the look of hurt that crossed Haruhi's face. How she went upstairs to grab a few things and kiss Kyosuke and Tsubaki in their sleep before walking out the door. I remember how I stood frozen before collapsing to my knees and crying until I fell asleep on the floor.

I'd woken up in bed with Kyosuke checking my temperature. He was about 15 by then and he was incredibly strong. He didn't say anything but by the hurt look in his eyes I knew he'd heard every word Haruhi and I had said the night before. He left the room quickly to get himself and Tsubaki ready for school. I'd stayed in bed for the rest of the day, waiting for Haruhi to come home so I could apologise. I knew that she'd be hurting a lot but not nearly as much as I was.

How could I say that? How could I say that I wished I had never met her? How much I wished that I'd fallen in love with Tamaki and not her? I'm sure I sparked some kind of memory about him and now she's probably trying to track him down and ask him something. I hope she comes home. I want her to come home. I _need_ her to come home. Kyosuke and Tsubaki need their other mother home.

At year 15, Kyosuke graduated from high-school and went on to university. Tsubaki begged him not to leave. Kyosuke kissed her forehead and said that he'd Skype her every night. She smiled at that and (albeit reluctantly) let him leave. Haruhi had come home but we were still arguing, even more so as the years went on. Tsubaki heard every fight and began to take sides. She sided with Haruhi of course, she also stopped calling me 'Mom' and started calling me 'Ayanokoji' as if I hadn't raised her. She started calling Haruhi 'Mommy' and stopped leaving her bedroom door open.

By then I knew that I'd stuffed up. I'd ruined our happy home and instead forced Haruhi into a world of pain. I can't imagine how she felt by then, but I knew that it hurt more than a grenade. I tried to apologise but it came out wrong every time and made things worse. We didn't sleep in the same bed anymore either, I missed her warmth, I missed making love to her at least three times a week, most of all I miss the morning kisses when she thinks I'm asleep. I'll always miss these things but I'll never have them back again, ever.

By year 17, Tsubaki moved into Kyosuke's apartment. Promising to Skype with Haruhi every night. I loved how happy she looked when she heard that, the tears of joy trailing down her delicate face. When Tsubaki left the fights just got worse and worse. We couldn't be in the same room together with screaming at each other. The fight that ruined my life though, it was all my fault, I had walked up to Haruhi and tried to apologise to her. It ended up sounding like I was being rude and she took immense offense. I got mad at her and started yelling right away, she yelled right back at me and . . . I don't know why I did it. I can't believe I did such a thing to my darling Haruhi.

I slapped her. I wasn't a soft one either. I backhanded her so hard that she fell to the ground and clutched her face I froze again as I realised what I'd done.

"Haruhi . . ." I'd whispered in shock. I leaned over to help her up but she scampered away from me.

"Get away from me!" She cried before running out of the room and to the house phone. She called her father and told him that she was coming and that she probably wouldn't return. My heart shattered when I'd heard that. She left almost immediately and I had fallen asleep crying again.

Year 18. The year we divorced. Haruhi got custody of Tsubaki who had come back after an incident with her brother's neighbour (who'd gotten drunk and attacked her). Haruhi and Tsubaki lived in the apartment next to Mr Fujioka's while I was left alone in the manor. Every night I had cried myself to sleep. I'd gone insane from how lonely it was without Haruhi. I had tried to take my own life but the butler stopped me. I was then put into 'isolation' where I couldn't hurt myself. The same feeling that I had felt when I'd first saw Haruhi weighed over my heart. I needed her like I needed oxygen. She was my lifeline and I found myself believing that I would die without her.

How right I was. But I wasn't the one who died.

Year 19, January. Haruhi had been in a car-accident. She was in a coma and I feared she wouldn't wake up. Tsubaki blamed me, when we'd bumped into each other at the hospital she started yelling at me about how much she missed and loved me and that if I hadn't been such a jerk than Haruhi might not even be in the hospital. She was right. I was an idiot.

Kyosuke wouldn't say a word and just sat beside the bed with his head in his hands. I'm guessing he was crying like I had for so many nights. Tsubaki pushed her long brunette hair behind her ear and glared at me with blue eyes before going straight to her brother. I had to leave, I just couldn't be there any longer. Seeing Haruhi like that . . . I just can't explain it.

I drove. I had no idea where I was going but I just drove. I eventually found myself at the mall I had proposed to Haruhi in. The tears came back and I couldn't stop myself from crying all over again.

Haruhi had been in a coma for 10 months. I had finally gone back to the hospital to tell her how much I love her as I exited the elevator time slowed down.

"NOOOOOO!" Kyosuke's voice screamed.

"MOMMY!" Tsubaki had screamed as loud as she could. By then I'd stopped. Doctors and nurses were rushing in and out of Haruhi's room.

"No-!" Was all that came out of my mouth before I collapsed to my knees. Everything went black quickly.

Which brings us to today. I stood inside the building as Haruhi's body was cremated. In her will, Haruhi wrote about how much she loved me, Kyosuke, Tsubaki and Mr Fujioka. That she remembered the Host Club after they'd adopted Kyosuke. That didn't surprise me since the Host Club members were there. Haruhi also wrote that she wanted Takashi Morinozuka to take care of Tsubaki and to never leave her side. She'd asked that they never forget her, which they wouldn't. Haruhi wrote that all her money and savings go to Kyosuke to help him through school. She literally wrote, "Go get 'em, Tiger!" in the will. She also asked that the twins take Tsubaki under their wings as she wanted to be a designer just like them. She wrote about how much she loved all who were called to the reading and that they had always held a special place in her heart. She never mentioned my name in the will apart from saying she loved me and that I was to be given an envelope for my eyes only.

That night I'd opened the envelope. And I was happy.

_~My Dearest Angel Ayanokoji,_

_I love you like crazy and it hurt when we started arguing. I wanted to forgive you so bad but I couldn't, I wanted you to be the one to apologise. But you never did. I understand that you tried to at times but it never came out right and you never bothered to try and repair the mistakes. Sometimes I wondered if you loved me anymore but I know that's a stupid thing to believe. I know you love me but please remember that I will always love you. You were always the one thing that kept me sane and I miss being able to prove that to you. I miss your hair, your eyes, your hands, your legs, your waist, you brains, your beauty but mostly, I mostly miss your love. I wish you were never so afraid of losing me because if I hadn't loved you I would've left you years ago. Yes, I missed the Host Club but I was willing to sacrifice being around them if it meant I could be with you. Please don't cry when I'm gone. I want you to be happy, to find someone else to love. But never forget me and make sure to keep my picture beside your bed so I can watch you sleep. I also want you to patch things up with Kyosuke and Tsubaki, they were upset that you'd hurt me so bad but your still their other mother._

_I can't wait until we're reunited, but please take your time. I want to watch you live life to its fullest while you still can. Even Heaven will be Hell without you._

_Yours until the end of time, Haruhi~_

* * *

**I literally cried writing this.**


End file.
